Ok, so we know vaginas come in all shapes and sizes. I mean, I had mine made into a freakin’ artwork to demonstrate exactly that (and an interesting experience it was too – read about it here). Penises too come in many different guises, as shown by documentaries such as Lawrence Barraclough’s My Penis and Everyone Else’s and in Channel 4’s fascinating penis gallery. But nipples… ah.
Clearly, anyone who has seen more than one pair of nips knows they’re not all alike. I remember a girl I went to school with aged 16 wearing a thin jersey top and noticing she had what I at the time considered ‘grown up nipples’ (large and protruding). Little did I know that some nipples never grow up and remain small and flat for life. I also spent a while coveting the neat little areolae on the ‘porn star nipples’ of a friend with whom I took dance classes (it’s worth noting my experience of porn was limited at that stage).
In fact since the age of about 8 I have gone from hating to loving to indifference to vague dislike to loving again, and finally to realising they are just nipples and directing any kind of real emotion towards them is basically pointless – all based on what I considered first normal and later desirable. As it turns out mine – short on large areolae – are less common than I assumed (I have no stat, this conclusion is entirely based on asking partners if mine are ‘bigger or smaller than most girls you’ve slept with’). But hey, at least I know what type I am now.
So what about you? Well, take your pick. You can be ‘flat’,’puffy’, ‘short’ and even ‘unilateral’. Yep, your nipples have an official title. A bit like ‘sir’. Or ‘baroness’. Who knew? Not me. So thanks to Jezebel for enlightening me and, in turn, you.
Presumably men also fall into these various categories but no one bothered to find out (since they don’t have to breastfeed, categorising their nips is probably less useful medically). So if anyone’s got any suggestions for male nipple types, let’s hear ’em.