Sex on a first date: Discuss…

*Feel free to post anonymously* – I just really want to hear some opinions…

So I read this post on Jezebel a little while ago and wondered what people thought.

Personally I’ve always felt that you can’t possibly know a person after one date. You can’t know if you really like them, whether you’re romantically compatible, whether you even have that many shared interests. But you can tell if you fancy each other. You can tell if there’s a sexual chemistry. So I figure you might as well cash in on that and have some great sex while you can.

That said, I have also had some fairly lousy sex on first dates/one night stands. And my current boyfriend has told me he had no intention of sleeping with me on our first date and would have turned me down if I’d tried. As it was we waited until the third by which point I think we both definitely knew we liked each other for more than just a casual fuck. Plus the anticipation that had built up in that time was really exciting. So all in all I think I’m a convert.

What do you reckon?


4 thoughts on “Sex on a first date: Discuss…

  1. I think it depends on the set up. If it were a ‘date’ which implies a desire to get to know one another then holding off to see if the chemistry could go anywhere could be a good idea. Plus ramping up the excitement with some anticipation is seriously fun and therefore recommended. Randomly meeting in a club/bar/house party or any similar event is a bit different though.

    What needs to be avoided at all costs is the idea that having sex is ‘giving it away’ and that once a guy has ‘sampled the goods’ then he won’t be interested in you. I mean, frankly, if you have a good night with some passion and fun, then what sensible guy wouldn’t be interested in more, no matter where it came in your acquaintance or dating structure? If he isn’t, then he’s an idiot, or thinks he is a ‘player’ (whatever the hell that means) and therefore isn’t worth more than a one-nighter anyway.

    All I will say about one night stands is that they often happen when under the influence of alcohol, and we all have to concede that none of us made our best decisions in life whilst inebriated. This, above all other things, persuades me that waiting for a second or third date is a good call – simply because it will give you the time and space, while sober, to consider whether or not you actually do want this particular person to see you naked.

  2. It is a difficult one as on one hand you don’t this guy to get the wrong impression if you sleep with him on the first date but sometime sex can almost be a good ice breaker i find and you can almost see a man at his most vulnerable when your having sex. I almost find it quite fascinating having sex with a man for the first time as, you never know what they are going to do, what they like and some of the hilarious facial expressions they make during. I think it is a judgement call if you’re going to sleep with a man on a first date. You have to either know you like him or not be bothered about 2nd date after that.

  3. To be clear, I guess in this instance I’m talking about a date situation, rather than a random hook-up.

    But thanks guys. Really interesting. Especially the point about being drunk – in the end, for me, sex is ALWAYS better if I’m not drunk. Not that drunken sex can’t be fun but it will still be better sober. That’s just a fact, for me. I am better AT it when sober in the same way I dance better when sober and operate heavy machinery better. But that’s a different subject.

    I like what you say about sex being a good ice-breaker though… is it? I’ve found people can be just as socially awkward afterwards (if not more).

  4. I think that I used to think of sex as a useful ice breaker actually. But I don’t think that any more. In many situations, if I have slept with someone too early, I am more awkward with them than if I have waited for a few dates… simply because I have less of the ‘oh crap you saw me naked and you might be thinking about it now’ issues flying about my head and find it easier to actually concentrate on the conversation at hand…

    And yes, sex is always better when sober. There is some kind of social acceptance that the first time you sleep with someone, whether a random hook up or in a dating situation, you will be drunk. I’m not sure where this has come from, and I want to unsubscribe from it. However, in my experience I have certainly mostly been a bit pissed when having sex with someone for the first time. Which, as you rightly point out, misrepresents myself and the other person spectacularly – my memory will be distorted as a result, and who the hell knows what my performance would have been like.

    However, alcohol is a useful social, and sexual, lubricant – it makes things easier – it lessens our inhibitions. What else can we turn to in order to achieve the same effect? Maybe it is just a confidence issue – it probably is. But it is something that requires some thought. For me at least, if nobody else!


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